Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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