Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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