Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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