my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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