Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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