Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
