On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
