So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
