I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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