So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
