When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
