went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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