she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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