Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
