my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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