its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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