1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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