You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's always time for handjobs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
