I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
