U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
