their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
