Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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