...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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