im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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