my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize