I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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