he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
