I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
