I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
