If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
