you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
