And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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