1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
