it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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