yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
