Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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