i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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