Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
