it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
