The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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