he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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