I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
