Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
