Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
