Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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