I am spending my child support on dildos
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
