I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
as a side note pls kill me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
