Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
