i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
