i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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