It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
