I want to stick my p in your. b.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
