So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
