I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
they call him Oral-B. enough said
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
