i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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