I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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