so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
