This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
