youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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