thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
