remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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