Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
