i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
