Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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