Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
