mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
