The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
