You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
