I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
