if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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