yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
why is half of my head shaved?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
