Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
