Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
