i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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