I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
