Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
