he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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