I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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