He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my poor anus
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
