i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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