just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
